Jason Mai 3/9/14

Jason Mai
3/9/14

     I feel really bad today, a friend let me use something of his, and I scraped it up. Something that he held very close to him and had a lot of value. I tried to fix it, but I don't know how he feels about us and our relationship. Hopefully he isn't too angry at me because I want to still be friend's with him. I know we will be but in his mind...he will always hold it against me. Today was a very depressing day today.

     I tried to plan a weekend shoot, get the actors together and get a few scenes done...man was it disappointing. Nothing worked out, everything went wrong. People were arguing with me, arguing with each other and I couldn't get anything done...Eventually we had to leave early because one of our actresses was too sick to act. Everything I planned, everything I did was for nothing. I wasted all my time and don't know what I'm doing. I thought I was doing what I was suppose to, I thought that it would be easy, because of how hard I worked, but sometimes no matter how hard you work...things will still be difficult, impossible, unlucky. When that happens, you just need to learn from it and move on, you can't just dwell on it, which is just so hard. Either from scrapping a friend's possessions or having a bad shoot, you just need to move on.

     I want to profile another living hero today, one person who popped into my mind because of what we are doing in English class. We are reading a book called "Night" about a holocaust survivor and he has an amazing story. His name is Elie Wiesel, he went through so much and still tells his story. The book is a bunch of venietes of a few years of his life. I remember reading how when they arrived at Auschwitz and he smelled the burning of flesh, and how terrified he was, how he had to run to the sleeping quarters, or how they had to stripe down, or showered down or shaved. I can't imagine how horrible it was for them, and how they survived though it, is just amazing. These men and women able to live through living hell and come back and tell the story, that is courage. That is inspirational. That is a living hero.

I need to step my game up, I thought I was doing amazing on my film, I was ahead on my schedule, my editing was spot on, but I realized there's more to it than that, and I still have a lot to go. I had no control of my actors today, I didn't lead them the way I should of. Failures like this will make me a better person and improve my skills. It is never good to assume you are good at anything, because you're not. Someone is always better, there will always be a challenge, you will never be good. But you need to fight for it, you can't let your guard down and just believe you already are good, that you don't need to improve. You always can improve, you always need to fight for that extra inch of whatever you are doing, you need to do that extra set of push ups because then you will be that much better, you need to spend that extra hour from your Saturday to plan you're shoots so that the actors will respect you and follow you. I need to stop slacking, I need to go back at 120%

Today was a depressing day, but hopefully from today, I can learn and make the rest of my days less depressing, if so. Than today was worth it.