Jason Mai 6/1/14

Jason Mai
6/1/14

     The film festival is over, I had very mixed feelings about the film festival but now that I've had a few days to think through it, I think I've concluded how I feel all together about it.
     So first things first, the film festival itself was very very fun, I got to hang out with the people I've worked with all year, I got to hang out with all the other directors, actors and actresses, I saw past students who have made legendary student films or are star actors. It was fun knowing that night, was our night. Something I don't feel a lot. 3 movies played, and mine was the 2nd one played. After the last movie and into intermission I was confident I would win "Best picture." If I am completely honestly, I thought I would win it, but I didn't, this is how that played out
     After intermission was the awards, best website, editor and cinematography were the first ones, and I took them all. I was very excited and I got a generally good feelings from everyone, saying mine was the best, etc etc. I basically got so confident because everyone just loved mine and told me it was the best. Finally when best picture came, we lost. Our cast was destroyed. I felt horrible. I also was so stressed throughout making my movie, because all my actors suffered for their craft, we put hours of work in, we worked in the worst conditions. I didn't want to disappoint my actors, the hours I put in versus the hours of the person who won put in. I honestly just don't think he put in as much as I did, and it feels horrible. To work so hard towards something only to lose it to someone who did less. I wanted to feel happy for my classmate, but I couldn't. None of my actors won awards even though the did an amazing performance, and spectacle the movie that won, just won too many ridiculous awards. I was pretty bummed out for the next few days, and tried to drown myself in social activities to forget everything and let it go, but now its a Sunday night and I can really reflect on it, and I sad that we didn't win, but at the same time there are several things I need to respect.

1. I made a freaking movie! That isn't an easy task at all, so I should just be happy that I did that at all

2. I did win some awards, I can't be that angry

But I guess I'm very competitive and I have the "Happy but not satisfied" mentality, which for me is good, in my opinion. Today I watched a video by one of my living heroes, Eric Thomas.

And the video just connected with me so well, it was exactly how I felt. Also Eric reminded me of a few things, there is no point in me pouting, complaining or crying about it. At the end of the day none of that changes anything, what does change is my effort. I need to take this experience as a learning experience. Failure is a part of success, being able to push through failure and work through it is what separates the great and the normal. I can't deny me being angry or sad about the outcome of the film festival, but ultimately, this experience should make me a stronger person, and from it. I will win next year.