Some of you may know I had to make an emergency trip to Texas racing there to see my Grandpa before he died. I got to Texas on the 18th of May and he died in the early morning on May 20th. I had limited/non steady internet access during my visit (may 18th-June 5th) so was not able to post my writings until my return. Here are my posts from my missing weeks.
May 18th
This has been quite the week. I've recieved news from my family that my Grandpa has not been doing well physically. He's been coughing up blood, is short of breath and his kidneys are shutting down rapidly. Last night I got a late night call that the doctors were sending him home and putting him on hospice. I quickly got online and booked the fastest flight to Houston I could find for the 18th. My in-laws are currently visiting, they flew in on the 17th and while sad that I have to leave (I hadnt seen them in 2 years) they understood.
My favorite act of kindness this week: cleaning my home super clean for the arrival of my in-laws.
My favorite act of kindness given to me: my mother in law teaching me how to use my sewing machine properly.
May 25th
I feel very fortunate that my husband has a good job and was able to supply the money for the expensive last minute flight. I flew in on the 18th and my sister drove me straight from the airport in Houston to Beaumont where my Grandpa was in the hospital. When I walked in his eyes widened, I could tell he was happy to see me. Always the quick witted he says "What happened? did you go to the store to get bread and end up in Beaumont?" I laughed and told him I came to visit him because I heard he was sick. We chatted for a bit but I could tell it was taxing his energy quite a bit, which surprised me considering he was always very active even when I had seen him last in December. As he coughed he tried to conceal the blood with his napkin but was not aware of the red tinge on his white beard. I left the hospital late that night and came back early the next morning. The hospital discharged him that afternoon and a transport ambulance took him home. By the time he arrived back to his house all of my other family members were there (thankfully he had a large house so everyone had somewhere to sleep) I saw relatives I had not seen in many many years. We propped my grandpa up in his bed and tried to do our best to make his comfortable once hospice left. Once he got home he started to get worse quick due to not being on IV fluids and blood transfusions. I knew from my paramedic training it would not be long. That night as everyone got sleepy I placed a chair next to his bed and stayed up with him. My sister rested in a chair in the room in case I needed her. what a rough night... His breathing became more and more labored, at one point in the night he began saying "I cant do this anymore..I cant" it was heartbreaking to watch him suffering. I began praying for God to please take him soon, to alleviate his suffering. on May 20th at 3:50am I could tell from his movements and breathing that he was about to die, I called my sister over and told her to gather everyone. My mom who was in the closest room was the first to come in and my sister came in next as the others were coming downstairs. My mom, my sister and I were there as we watched his last breaths. 2 minutes after he stopped breathing I checked for a pulse in several spots and did not find one. TOD 3:55am.
Fortunatly my Grandpa was a well prepared man and had already had his funeral planned and paid for which made thing really easy. The funeral was held on May 23rd with full military honors. He was a Marine who fought in WW2, during the service two Marines in full dress uniform stood at attention and folded the flag from his coffin while a bugler played taps, it was just like he wanted it.
Favorite act of kindness this week: Staying up with my Grandpa
Favorite act of kindness I recieved: My sister being in the room with me
June 1st
The amount of greed and yelling I have seen over the past week has been unlike anything I have ever seen before. I have been trying to find my balance of grieving healthily while letting the copious amounts of negativity around me roll off my back. My Grandpa was a very wealthy man and had left a will that was very structured and well laid out but it didnt stop some members of the family from trying to swindle/steal from those who were rightfully willed items/money/jewelry/land/etc. I guess the saying is true..."Mo' money Mo' problems!" but it wasnt all bad. There were also some very touching moments I had, things I will remember for the rest of my life. I savored the time I got to spend with some of my favorite cousins. I met people I had not seen since I was a young child and also formed a friendship with one of the most bad-ass motorcycle cops in Beaumont. Life...you sure are interesting!
Favorite act of kindness this week: carrying dusty/heavy furniture
Favorite act of kindness I received: My cousins and I getting together with away from the chaos for a home cooked dinner at one of my cousins apartment.
June 8th
This was my last week in Texas and was really the first time in the past few weeks that I have been able to just chill with my mom and sister. We drove back to Deer Park and kicked back for a few days. We spent time at the beach, played bingo (my mom won one of the rounds! big money woohoo!) and I snuggled my sister's pomeranian Kali (she's such a diva) I also got the opportunity to do 2 classes at my old dojo which teaches Combat Hapkido from Grand Master Chris Yaeger. It was alot of fun seeing him and all the old instructors(I even learned a few new techniques so watch out! haha) but I missed all my Revolution Martial Fitness peeps so very much. I'm very happy to be back to my little condo with my husband and dog. I got a very grand welcome when I arrived home.
Favorite act of kindness this week: Giving my husband a massage to his pained shoulder.
Favorite act of kindness I recieved: A social worker sitting next to me on the plane helping to calm down during rough turbulence on the flight home.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Statement of faith 6/8/14
So today was my confirmation day at my church, and we are a very very liberal church. Here is mine:
Um, so I don’t really know how to begin this, which makes sense since I’m 14 years old and think that it would be silly to come up with a final idea about faith at this point. I hope that this is really just the beginning of the thought process and that I’ll continue to think about this stuff over the years. However, After all the preparation for this moment that going to this church has given me --two years of confirmation classes and lots of conversations, this is what I think is important so far.
1. Community. Lots of people think that church supposed to be for religion and thinking about God, but it’s also for community, for hanging out with people who give time and effort to things like giving back and community service (and chili cook-offs and hat-making.) Right now, the spiritual stuff isn’t very important to me, but the community stuff is. I get to sing and see my friends, and sometimes the sermons include things that are of interest to me, too. I like to do the Youth Group events like Canobie Lake, laser tag, and sleep-ins, but also the service stuff like serving the Open Door dinner for the Natick Service Council. And I think that even the pure fun stuff involves giving—we give our time, so do our parents, we hang out and connect. There is an underlying current that here is a group of people who come to this odd church with so many weird habits, and these people all are of like mind, and come here on their own accord. It’s got a great sense of community, with these people, many of whom I see only once a week. That’s important.
2. God stuff. I believe God is a spirit or energy— I don’t think that God is there to smite people when they do wrong. I don’t think there is a God at all. I believe that everything is connected, and everything has this spirit or energy or aura. Its a very Hippie belief, that everything gives off vibes, but I think its true. Anyway, I haven't figured out much about it yet, so lets move on.
3. Lastly, The Faith thing. I think that everyone needs to believe in something, something that they can blame when things go wrong. That belief keeps them sane, gives them a reason to stay in this world. People can believe in anything, from their family, to music to god. But its that belief that keeps them from sinking into insanity and oblivion. I found an example of this in my favourite book, The Fault in Our Stars. For those of you who haven't read it, its a cancer book thats so much more. "I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you." (Augustus Waters, The Fault in Our Stars) Augustus believed in his love with Hazel Grace, and thats what kept him from tumbling into the Despair.
Artist Project 6/1/14
In Wellesley middle school every year the eighth grade does a project in English. This project is called the artist project. It is when every kid picks an artist , and they have to research that artist, and his or her style. Then they must create a piece of art that is either a book cover of one of the books w read this year, or that ilistraits a character trait needed to be a good member of society. Here is mine:
My artist was Banksy. I portrayed courage, and the ability to say whats right no matter what. This is protesting children getting to used to and comfortable with violence at a young age because of the media.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Junauro Landgrebe
Hi all,
I apologize for the infrequency of my blog posts. To be honest, I'm not much of a writer. That being said, I have been keeping up with my requirements with the obvious exception of blogging on a weekly basis. Sensei Paul is fully aware and we have an understanding.
The main focus for the mastery program at this time is to finish writing a number of instrumental music compositions I've been working on. This has been a bit of challenge for the reasons mentioned above. I've been playing guitar for the past 30 years and have always been more of a "player" than writer. One of my personal goals is to write 6 pieces by the end of summer. So far I have 4 that are almost done and need to start a couple more. The good news is that I've been in a creative zone for ever since my teaching load at Northeastern slowed down last month. I'm confident I'll be able to finish all 6 pieces on target.
My other personal goals are in progress. One of them is to hike to the top of Mt. Washington for the first time after injuring my ankle in January of 2013. This will be the final piece of a lengthy recovery that has been going great overall. Returning to the dojo after the injury was the first step. I wasn't sure about returning since I had some concerns about injuring myself again. I've never been one to let fear get in my way and can report that returning to the dojo was both a physical and mental victory.
My final personal goal is forming as we speak and I'll blog more about it when I'm certain it's feasible.
That's it for now. You'll be seeing a lot more blogs in the immediate future!
JL
I apologize for the infrequency of my blog posts. To be honest, I'm not much of a writer. That being said, I have been keeping up with my requirements with the obvious exception of blogging on a weekly basis. Sensei Paul is fully aware and we have an understanding.
The main focus for the mastery program at this time is to finish writing a number of instrumental music compositions I've been working on. This has been a bit of challenge for the reasons mentioned above. I've been playing guitar for the past 30 years and have always been more of a "player" than writer. One of my personal goals is to write 6 pieces by the end of summer. So far I have 4 that are almost done and need to start a couple more. The good news is that I've been in a creative zone for ever since my teaching load at Northeastern slowed down last month. I'm confident I'll be able to finish all 6 pieces on target.
My other personal goals are in progress. One of them is to hike to the top of Mt. Washington for the first time after injuring my ankle in January of 2013. This will be the final piece of a lengthy recovery that has been going great overall. Returning to the dojo after the injury was the first step. I wasn't sure about returning since I had some concerns about injuring myself again. I've never been one to let fear get in my way and can report that returning to the dojo was both a physical and mental victory.
My final personal goal is forming as we speak and I'll blog more about it when I'm certain it's feasible.
That's it for now. You'll be seeing a lot more blogs in the immediate future!
JL
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Jason Mai 6/1/14
Jason Mai
6/1/14
The film festival is over, I had very mixed feelings about the film festival but now that I've had a few days to think through it, I think I've concluded how I feel all together about it.
So first things first, the film festival itself was very very fun, I got to hang out with the people I've worked with all year, I got to hang out with all the other directors, actors and actresses, I saw past students who have made legendary student films or are star actors. It was fun knowing that night, was our night. Something I don't feel a lot. 3 movies played, and mine was the 2nd one played. After the last movie and into intermission I was confident I would win "Best picture." If I am completely honestly, I thought I would win it, but I didn't, this is how that played out
After intermission was the awards, best website, editor and cinematography were the first ones, and I took them all. I was very excited and I got a generally good feelings from everyone, saying mine was the best, etc etc. I basically got so confident because everyone just loved mine and told me it was the best. Finally when best picture came, we lost. Our cast was destroyed. I felt horrible. I also was so stressed throughout making my movie, because all my actors suffered for their craft, we put hours of work in, we worked in the worst conditions. I didn't want to disappoint my actors, the hours I put in versus the hours of the person who won put in. I honestly just don't think he put in as much as I did, and it feels horrible. To work so hard towards something only to lose it to someone who did less. I wanted to feel happy for my classmate, but I couldn't. None of my actors won awards even though the did an amazing performance, and spectacle the movie that won, just won too many ridiculous awards. I was pretty bummed out for the next few days, and tried to drown myself in social activities to forget everything and let it go, but now its a Sunday night and I can really reflect on it, and I sad that we didn't win, but at the same time there are several things I need to respect.
1. I made a freaking movie! That isn't an easy task at all, so I should just be happy that I did that at all
2. I did win some awards, I can't be that angry
But I guess I'm very competitive and I have the "Happy but not satisfied" mentality, which for me is good, in my opinion. Today I watched a video by one of my living heroes, Eric Thomas.
6/1/14
The film festival is over, I had very mixed feelings about the film festival but now that I've had a few days to think through it, I think I've concluded how I feel all together about it.
So first things first, the film festival itself was very very fun, I got to hang out with the people I've worked with all year, I got to hang out with all the other directors, actors and actresses, I saw past students who have made legendary student films or are star actors. It was fun knowing that night, was our night. Something I don't feel a lot. 3 movies played, and mine was the 2nd one played. After the last movie and into intermission I was confident I would win "Best picture." If I am completely honestly, I thought I would win it, but I didn't, this is how that played out
After intermission was the awards, best website, editor and cinematography were the first ones, and I took them all. I was very excited and I got a generally good feelings from everyone, saying mine was the best, etc etc. I basically got so confident because everyone just loved mine and told me it was the best. Finally when best picture came, we lost. Our cast was destroyed. I felt horrible. I also was so stressed throughout making my movie, because all my actors suffered for their craft, we put hours of work in, we worked in the worst conditions. I didn't want to disappoint my actors, the hours I put in versus the hours of the person who won put in. I honestly just don't think he put in as much as I did, and it feels horrible. To work so hard towards something only to lose it to someone who did less. I wanted to feel happy for my classmate, but I couldn't. None of my actors won awards even though the did an amazing performance, and spectacle the movie that won, just won too many ridiculous awards. I was pretty bummed out for the next few days, and tried to drown myself in social activities to forget everything and let it go, but now its a Sunday night and I can really reflect on it, and I sad that we didn't win, but at the same time there are several things I need to respect.
1. I made a freaking movie! That isn't an easy task at all, so I should just be happy that I did that at all
2. I did win some awards, I can't be that angry
But I guess I'm very competitive and I have the "Happy but not satisfied" mentality, which for me is good, in my opinion. Today I watched a video by one of my living heroes, Eric Thomas.
And the video just connected with me so well, it was exactly how I felt. Also Eric reminded me of a few things, there is no point in me pouting, complaining or crying about it. At the end of the day none of that changes anything, what does change is my effort. I need to take this experience as a learning experience. Failure is a part of success, being able to push through failure and work through it is what separates the great and the normal. I can't deny me being angry or sad about the outcome of the film festival, but ultimately, this experience should make me a stronger person, and from it. I will win next year.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Jake Mending Relationship Blog Post May 27, 2014
In this blog post, I will be describing how I mended a broken relationship I had with a good friend of mine. About 4 months ago, a relationship I was in with someone ended, and in the process, some rude and offensive phrases were said, mainly from me. A month ago, I contacted this person via email and began conversing with her once again. After I asked how she was doing, I proceeded to give her a detailed apology for my actions and the words and phrases I had said to her during the breakup. Thankfully, she saw that I meant the apology and accepted it. We then went on to become friends again and have been talking every week since then to this day!
On a side note, I wanted to apologize and mend a broken relationship with this blog, for I have been lacking on my blogging requirement once again. I have just been considerably busy recently. After the MCAS testing next week, I'll be more available to blog. Till next week!
On a side note, I wanted to apologize and mend a broken relationship with this blog, for I have been lacking on my blogging requirement once again. I have just been considerably busy recently. After the MCAS testing next week, I'll be more available to blog. Till next week!
Monday, May 26, 2014
Jason Mai 5/26/14
Jason Mai
5/26/14
Yesterday I went hiking with people from my school that I don't normally hang out with. I really enjoyed getting to know them, laughing with them and sharing memories with them. They're my Peru group, the people i'm going to Peru with, going to remote villages high up in the mountains and stuff. What I experienced yesterday is what life should be like, what I mean by that is just how stupid cliques are and grouping people into categories, people should not be referred to as nerds, losers, jocks etc etc, we all are human, we shouldn't judge each other because we don't understand each other. Yesterday was an example of that, I was hanging out with people I didn't really know, I was struggling and sharing experiences with people I didn't really know, but I enjoyed them. I wish I could be friends with everyone in school, I wish I could connect with everybody and make everyone happy and make them laugh but life just isn't like that huh, people aren't all nice to each other, and its sad.
Today I learned that I'm a super vulnerable person, and I guess I'm okay with it, I learned it kinda is part of being human but it sucks, I'm really bad at opening up to people because I'm scared, scared of being rejected, scared of the lack of control. I'm better with it now, but it can be hard. I was just thinking about this because of this Ted Talk, its very deep and connects with me on many levels its awesome.
5/26/14
Yesterday I went hiking with people from my school that I don't normally hang out with. I really enjoyed getting to know them, laughing with them and sharing memories with them. They're my Peru group, the people i'm going to Peru with, going to remote villages high up in the mountains and stuff. What I experienced yesterday is what life should be like, what I mean by that is just how stupid cliques are and grouping people into categories, people should not be referred to as nerds, losers, jocks etc etc, we all are human, we shouldn't judge each other because we don't understand each other. Yesterday was an example of that, I was hanging out with people I didn't really know, I was struggling and sharing experiences with people I didn't really know, but I enjoyed them. I wish I could be friends with everyone in school, I wish I could connect with everybody and make everyone happy and make them laugh but life just isn't like that huh, people aren't all nice to each other, and its sad.
Today I learned that I'm a super vulnerable person, and I guess I'm okay with it, I learned it kinda is part of being human but it sucks, I'm really bad at opening up to people because I'm scared, scared of being rejected, scared of the lack of control. I'm better with it now, but it can be hard. I was just thinking about this because of this Ted Talk, its very deep and connects with me on many levels its awesome.
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