Willingness. Chelsea H.

These 2 weeks as I've been away improving myself I have been taught something I always knew but did not believe/understand/accept which is everything I do is a choice and that every choice affects myself and my world/relationships. It can further set balance or unbalance. In my past I felt some of my behaviors were excusable or unavoidable,that I had no control and therefore I should have not been held accountable/faced consequences. Everything we do has a consequence. As Rafiki from the Lion King says "Oh yes, the past can hurt.. but the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it!" In order to learn one must be willing to. Without willingness a person may stay stagnant preventing improvement and growth. Change/new things/ can be really scary but when one is willing to "prune the branches" of their life it gives way for what can be beautiful growth. Im slowly starting to learn there is no failure, only an opportunity for learning and improvement if I am willing.

My favorite act of kindness this week: educating several medical personnel by being a subject for study and questioning.
My favorite act of kindness gifted to me this week: a person taking the time to listen and educate me about anything I cared to ask (that was awesome!)

Jake's Blog Post Saturday June 28th

About a week into summer vacation, I am completely relaxed. No tests or quizzes to stress about, no more homework, just time to myself and time with friends and family. I've been hanging out with friends, watching movies with my family, it's been great so far. However, in about a week, I'll be off to boy scout camp for 3 weeks, for I will be a CIT there with a couple of my friends. That will hopefully be the highlight of my summer, but I do not know if I will be able to blog during that time. This is  because campers are not allowed to use phones, and I am not sure if the rules are bent for the CITs. So if this is so, next week will be my last blog and I will make it up somehow in August. Have a great fourth of July everyone!

Schools out 6/26

Woo hoo! Schools out!!! Super psyched for the summer. I expect to have an awesome one. To kick off the summer, I had a giant party on the island. This is an island that my friend Lauren and I made a fort on last year, but we had no real plans and are not sure how structurally sound it is.... But when dressed up it looks pretty snazzy! Sorry, I couldn't find a photo on my computer to show you guys, so you will have to trust me on this! The party was awesome, and we headed out swimming after s'mores. What could be better? After that, I've stuck around the house. Basically, just going swimming and biking and binge watching supernatural. But later in the summer, I'm panning on building a tree house on one of the other two islands on the pond with Lauren. I'm also going to my cabin up in New Hampshire, which I go to every year. Besides that, not much else is happening, so yeah.

Mental elasticity and toughness. Chelsea H.

Sometimes I feel I focus on the physical aspects of training that I neglect the chance for opportunities to learn mental skills in the dojo as well as in my personal life. Some of you may have noticed I am away yet again ( I miss yall so much!) These 2 weeks I am away I have and will continue to be focusing and practicing refocusing certain ways I think and act to enhance my life and interactions with others. I really look forward to getting back to the dojo and getting to train with everyone once again. My internet access at my current location is kinda limited so unfortunately I am having to rush this weeks entry but am staying steady keeping up with physical requirements (even climbed some big rocks).

My favorite act of kindness: opening a tightly shut jar for someone
My favorite act of kindness given to me: a positive email of encouragement sent my way.

Jason Mai 6/21/14

Jason Mai
6/21/14

     This blog post I want to talk about self defense, and what self defense means to me. Now we always talk about self defense in class as eating right, treating your body right etc etc. But today I want to talk about real self defense, physical self defense from an attacker with intent to cause harm to you. Now when I talk about this subject with people, people always think I'm paranoid, think I'm crazy, but at the end of the day, it is a thousand times better to think of these things before and have them, instead of dealing with them later. I would rather have thought of what to do if someone came at me with a knife instead of after I have just been stabbed and hospitalized, I know what you are thinking right now, that is crazy talk. It might be, but it's talk that will keep me alert and bring me back home to my family and friends.
     The first thing people will say about self defense that I always hear from people is "You will never need to use it, you live in Wayland." When people say that I kinda go, "Yup, you are right buuuut" firstly you don't always stay in Wayland, what if you go to that concert in Cambridge? another that is that because we live in a world, where anything can happen, at any time, to anyone. I might live in a good neighborhood, and yes my chances of having to defend myself is slim but guess what, there was a murder a few years ago on my street. A man killed his girlfriend with a knife, it was a hate crime. These are the things that keep me on edge, because we do live in a dangerous world that many seem to forget.
     The few things I think of in self defense situations are, intent, alertness, fitness, and how far you are willing to go.
     First thing is intent, if someone attacks you, you must have 100% intent in achieving your goal, no matter what it may be. It can be as easy as intent to run away, to as extreme as the intent of taking someone's life. You don't have to like it, in fact you shouldn't like it, but if it needs to be done, it needs to be done. Now this may seem harsh and brutal, but wait until I talk about how far you are willing to go, before you judge.
     Second thing in self defense situations you need to know is awareness (alertness). Is the guy sitting next to you uneasy, how is that guy looking at you as you take money out of the ATM. Basically awareness was pretty well summarized in the article about the girl who got stabbed. The few things I do to keep myself aware are simple, first identify your location, know where you are, know where certain places are if you need to run. This is good even if you don't need to defend yourself, just so you don't get hit by a car. Next you should identify people around you, is someone following you? Does someone look nervous? Do you hear shouting? Identify any threat, and be ready for it. Don't have headphones in, don't be checking your phone, but also don't be giving the potential attacker reason to think you are dangerous.
     Third thing is fitness, if you can't strike your way out of a wet paper bag you are done for. I don't care how trained you are, or how many YouTube videos you have watched. If you don't have intent and fitness you will not survive. Can you fight someone after having to run? Can you take on multiple opponents if needed? Can you survive a 5 minute fight with someone? Most will think "Oh I can do that, it's easy" but no, anyone who has ever been put in one of these high stress situations when you need to deal with emotions, stress, thinking about what you need to do, and doing it with intent, you will be tired.
     Now the last thing and probably the most controversial is how far you are willing to go. I suggest looking at your local self defense laws in the state, because yes I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6, but there is a limit and you need to recognize it. I don't want to kill a man who was just pushing me and I could of easily defused the situation however I also don't want to try to subdue a man with a knife if he can easily kill me. Once you look at your self defense laws and have a good understanding of what you can and cannot do (basically common sense) then start with a plan. Think of scenarios and how far are you willing to go? If someone is trying to kill you with a knife? If someone is trying to beat you with a stick? If someone breaks into your car? If someone has you at gunpoint. Think realistically, don't try to disarm someone with a gun to your head, if you can easily give him your money and run, it is not worth it. Self defense isn't about proving yourself, self defense is about getting home safe. It is always good to have a general understanding of how far you are willing to go, in different situations. However this does not mean to map out every single thing you do if this specific thing happens. I use to do that, but then I realized, a confrontation is always moving, it will not go your way, it will go however it wants and you must adapt. So don't see someone sketchy and be like "Okay as soon as he comes at me, I will block with my right, then come in with a jab, grab and take down." All these things will confuse you and distract you, Just have a general understanding of how far you are willing to go, then if it happens, don't think about it, do what you need to do. Let your inner animal take over as I like to think of it. Because if a school shooter came in and started shooting up my school and killing my friends, and I get close to him. I sure as hell will bit into his neck and kill him, if necessary.

     Last thing I want to mention before I finish this up, these things I say are in no means reasons to start fights or going looking for trouble just because you think you can handle it. At the end of the day the best self defense weapon is your head and your words. If you can defuse a situation with no one getting hurt, that is 100 times better than having to hurt someone. Avoid sketchy things, don't put yourself in situations where you will get attacked or hurt. Don't piss off the wrong people, don't hit on a girl whose boyfriend is a roid raged jacked 200lb man of steel. If you are smart enough, it is possible to go through life without ever having to fight, but sometimes it is inevitable, and when it is, that is when you must be ready.

Thanks to anyone who read this, haha.

Jake' Blog Post 6/21/14

School ended on Wednesday, and believe me I am incredibly happy. It gives such an enlightened feeling, like a burden has been lifted off your shoulders. Anyways, I went to a party the other night, and it really was a lot of fun. Not only because it was a party, but also because I could just feel the friendship between everyone there. I've never really felt that before, because in past years I've only had a few close friends. But this year, I've been friends with countless people, and still have a few really close friends. So even though some of those close friends weren't at the party, I still felt like I wasn't alone and could have a wonderful time. And a wonderful time I had. I had to leave about halfway through for an hour or so, and when I got back everyone was excited to see me back. It was a great experience and I couldn't be happier to have been treated and accepted with as much friendship as I was at the party. Anyways, happy summer everyone!

Completed Personal goals 6/20

One personal goal down, another about to be finished

So I have completed both my personal goal of competing in a tournament with my fan form, as well as half my goal of the carbon free school and summer days. I am currently a day away from going 20 days to school without the use of an engine (whoop whoop!)  I had a lot of trouble, because my bike began to hate me, and refused to not have a flat tire. That meant that I had to use my brothers bike. Also, some days, it was just to rainy or windy to bike, it was awful.  I am about to start my 30 days of going no where with an engine in the summer. Hopefully I will be able to complete more than 30 days, as it seems rather easy, but who knows. I also finished my goal of competing with my fan form (hip hip hooray) so That was fun. I got first place there, though I do not believe that I deserved it. I wasn't holding the fan strongly, and my stances were off. But oh well. I still got first!! Anyway, talk to you next week! bye.

Jason Mai 6/16/14

Jason Mai
6/16/14

     This week is finals week, school is literally over after this week. I am super excited, the summer has a lot to bring, I am going to Peru for 2 weeks, I am going to a concert that my friends are performing at, I will be making money and having fun with friends and stuff. I will be making movies and going to classes.
     Which reminds me of a topic I wanted to talk about, I believe teachers deserve more respect than they get. A good teacher can change a student forever, a good teacher can breed successful people. A video I wanted to share with you guys is this one, called "What do Teachers Make?" By Taylor Mali

Unexpected things. Chelsea H.

As I checked my calendar today it made me realize how close we are to the end of this yearlong program and how many things I still need to finish. It also made me think back to the many unexpected events that have affected my family and my health, some of those times I had serious thoughts of ceasing training as well as lack of self care and maintenance of my daily exercise routine. We all made a vow not to quit, and through my various supporters I have always managed to carry on and catch up.

I still have not finished reading savor, I find it a bit boring but I'm trying to not let that stand in the way of learning from it. I guess I just need to sit down and treat it like a textbook like when I was in college and just get it over with.

I still have not confirmed a 5k to do yet but have been keeping up with my training for one.

Perseverance and tenacity are what I am learning from this journey and I thank all of my RMF mates for the constant learning opportunities.

Favorite act of kindness this week: finishing up a long awaited painting for a cousin who is a big fan of my art.

Favorite act of kindness I received this week: A friend asking me out for lunch and delightful conversation.

Dealing with injuries (personal goal)

June 14,

Two Thursday's ago,  I was walking normally down the street on my way to a gig when I suddenly felt a "pop" in my left knee.  This sensation was followed by some awkwardness around the knee cap without significant pain.  As the night went I could tell it wasn't 100% despite being able to do the gig without any real limitations.  Went to see my chiropractor who is amazing and after he did some tests mentioned that it was a bit loose.  It occurred to me that my tight left ankle probably had something to do with it.  More specifically, as a result of rupturing my achilles tendon 1.5 years ago my left calf is still weaker than my right.

One of my personal goals for the mastery program is to rejuvenate my achilles tendon and calf as much as possible.  This incident with my knee reminded me that in addition to stretching the area,  I also need to strengthen it on a daily basis.  My goal is to do 100 calf raises in two sets of 50 which is going to be a real challenge.  I can just get up to 30 with the final reps being extremely difficult and small in range.  In comparison, I can lift much higher and doing more reps with my right leg.  As a result of doing these exercises for the past week and half my knee seems to be getting better.  I'm closely monitoring how it feels.

In addition to the above,  the another aspect related to this personal goal was returning to karate 7 months after surgery.  Sensei Paul mentioned that all of us would question whether or not to continue at some point on the road to black belt.  This happened to me last summer before returning in August.  I'm glad I did!! The other piece of this goal is to do a rigorous backpacking trip with my boys this August since I wasn't able to do that last year.

Finally, I've also had to back off pushups for the past few weeks since my right shoulder has been somewhat problematic as a result.  Pullups haven't been an issue and I'm consistently doing at least 30 a day.  I'm going to ease back into pushups and see how my shoulder responds.

Bottom line is that as I get older I have to watch how I push myself making sure to keep a balanced perspective on what and how I'm training.  As frustrating as these injuries have been, I also look at them as an opportunity to learn more about myself through observing both my body and mind.  Being frustrated with the situation doesn't do anything but generate negative thoughts which aren't helpful to my goals. 

Hopefully this post hasn't seemed like a big rant. 

JL

Jake's Blog Post June 12, 2014 "Making It Count"

I really need to stop making false promises.

I think as another side goal along with my 3 other goals,  I will try to find away to remind myself to post on time from now on.

Tomorrow is the start of finals, and the last 4 days of my freshman year. And let me tell you, it went by so fast. I remember walking in the front doors of Natick High School for the first time, getting my first lecture from the choir program teacher, my first school lunch outside ever, it all feels like it was just yesterday.

My mom tells me that when she was younger, things seemed to go by at a snails pace. To me, it's just about the opposite. I'm sitting here with 4 days left in my freshman year of high school, and it feels like I was a 5th grader just a few days ago.

Going through this made me realize that to some, life can go by incredibly fast, and that is why we have to cherish the moments that define us forever. We have to make every moment count and need to savor the memorable ones. Even though I was quite nerdy (and still am), I miss being in middle school. Back there, the only things I had to really care about was getting in my homework on time and what days were fantastic Fridays (they were these party things for 5th and 6th graders). Now I have to worry about more homework, keeping my grades up, learning how to drive next year, preparing for SATs, Work, the list goes on.

From now on, I need to make every moment count. And I'll start by blogging on time. However to do that, I'll need to find a way to successfully remind myself to blog. Till next week,

- Jake

Jason Mai 6/10/14

Jason Mai
6/10/14

     I don't really have anything to write about this time, but I need to write so I will. The end of the school year is approaching, fast. After this week, it will be finals and after that we will be done. I've been falling behind on my schoolwork these past few weeks because summer is near, it is a horrible habit of mine. I always start of the school year strong, and near the end I stop trying. It's not that I don't care about my grades...I just don't want to do anything, but I really need to just focus and get through this week and finals without doing too much damage to my grades.
     Over the summer they're are a few things I want to do, and will do. For one I want to make a short film with some friends. I also want to work on other filming opportunities, jobs, things for the dojo etc. Get back into teaching as well. I also wanted to make some money to save up for a car, since I've been driving recently I've seen the benefits of having a car and I think it would be great if I can save up $2000-$3000 for a car. It might be a crap car...but hey, a car is a car. I will also be going to Peru for 2 weeks, hiking into the remote villages of Peru and helping the kids their, an experience that surely will change my life. I need to start preparing for that, buying gear, training.
     Peru I think will be good for me because I need to learn what it is like out their, in the world. I know what it is like, and I am not ignorant, but until I experience it, I am ignorant. I'd like to think I can take care of myself, but who knows. I guess only time will tell.

catching up from Texas. Chelsea H.

Some of you may know I had to make an emergency trip to Texas racing there to see my Grandpa before he died. I got to Texas on the 18th of May and he died in the early morning on May 20th. I had limited/non steady internet access during my visit (may 18th-June 5th) so was not able to post my writings until my return. Here are my posts from my missing weeks.


May 18th
This has been quite the week. I've recieved news from my family that my Grandpa has not been doing well physically. He's been coughing up blood, is short of breath and his kidneys are shutting down rapidly. Last night I got a late night call that the doctors were sending him home and putting him on hospice. I quickly got online and booked the fastest flight to Houston I could find for the 18th. My in-laws are currently visiting, they flew in on the 17th and while sad that I have to leave (I hadnt seen them in 2 years) they understood.

My favorite act of kindness this week: cleaning my home super clean for the arrival of my in-laws.
My favorite act of kindness given to me: my mother in law teaching me how to use my sewing machine properly.



May 25th
I feel very fortunate that my husband has a good job and was able to supply the money for the expensive last minute flight. I flew in on the 18th and my sister drove me straight from the airport in Houston to Beaumont where my Grandpa was in the hospital. When I walked in his eyes widened, I could tell he was happy to see me. Always the quick witted he says "What happened? did you go to the store to get bread and end up in Beaumont?" I laughed and told him I came to visit him because I heard he was sick. We chatted for a bit but I could tell it was taxing his energy quite a bit, which surprised me considering he was always very active even when I had seen him last in December. As he coughed he tried to conceal the blood with his napkin but was not aware of the red tinge on his white beard. I left the hospital late that night and came back early the next morning. The hospital discharged him that afternoon and a transport ambulance took him home. By the time he arrived back to his house all of my other family members were there (thankfully he had a large house so everyone had somewhere to sleep) I saw relatives I had not seen in many many years. We propped my grandpa up in his bed and tried to do our best to make his comfortable once hospice left. Once he got home he started to get worse quick due to not being on IV fluids and blood transfusions. I knew from my paramedic training it would not be long. That night as everyone got sleepy I placed a chair next to his bed and stayed up with him. My sister rested in a chair in the room in case I needed her. what a rough night... His breathing became more and more labored, at one point in the night he began saying "I cant do this anymore..I cant" it was heartbreaking to watch him suffering. I began praying for God to please take him soon, to alleviate his suffering. on May 20th at 3:50am I could tell from his movements and breathing that he was about to die, I called my sister over and told her to gather everyone. My mom who was in the closest room was the first to come in and my sister came in next as the others were coming downstairs. My mom, my sister and I were there as we watched his last breaths. 2 minutes after he stopped breathing I checked for a pulse in several spots and did not find one. TOD 3:55am.

Fortunatly my Grandpa was a well prepared man and had already had his funeral planned and paid for which made thing really easy. The funeral was held on May 23rd with full military honors. He was a Marine who fought in WW2, during the service two Marines in full dress uniform stood at attention and folded the flag from his coffin while a bugler played taps, it was just like he wanted it.

Favorite act of kindness this week: Staying up with my Grandpa
Favorite act of kindness I recieved: My sister being in the room with me



June 1st
The amount of greed and yelling I have seen over the past week has been unlike anything I have ever seen before. I have been trying to find my balance of grieving healthily while letting the copious amounts of negativity around me roll off my back. My Grandpa was a very wealthy man and had left a will that was very structured and well laid out but it didnt stop some members of the family from trying to swindle/steal from those who were rightfully willed items/money/jewelry/land/etc. I guess the saying is true..."Mo' money Mo' problems!" but it wasnt all bad. There were also some very touching moments I had, things I will remember for the rest of my life. I savored the time I got to spend with some of my favorite cousins. I met people I had not seen since I was a young child and also formed a friendship with one of the most bad-ass motorcycle cops in Beaumont. Life...you sure are interesting!

Favorite act of kindness this week: carrying dusty/heavy furniture
Favorite act of kindness I received: My cousins and I getting together with away from the chaos for a home cooked dinner at one of my cousins apartment.

June 8th
This was my last week in Texas and was really the first time in the past few weeks that I have been able to just chill with my mom and sister. We drove back to Deer Park and kicked back for a few days. We spent time at the beach, played bingo (my mom won one of the rounds! big money woohoo!) and I snuggled my sister's pomeranian Kali (she's such a diva) I also got the opportunity to do 2 classes at my old dojo which teaches Combat Hapkido from Grand Master Chris Yaeger. It was alot of fun seeing him and all the old instructors(I even learned a few new techniques so watch out! haha) but I missed all my Revolution Martial Fitness peeps so very much. I'm very happy to be back to my little condo with my husband and dog. I got a very grand welcome when I arrived home.

Favorite act of kindness this week: Giving my husband a massage to his pained shoulder.
Favorite act of kindness I recieved: A social worker sitting next to me on the plane helping to calm down during rough turbulence on the flight home.

Statement of faith 6/8/14

So today was my confirmation day at my church, and we are a very very liberal church. Here is mine:

Um, so I don’t really know how to begin this, which makes sense since I’m 14 years old and think that it would be silly to come up with a final idea about faith at this point. I hope that this is really just the beginning of the thought process and that I’ll continue to think about this stuff over the years.  However, After all the preparation for this moment that going to this church has given me --two years of confirmation classes and lots of conversations, this is what I think is important so far.

1. Community.  Lots of people think that church supposed to be for religion and thinking about God, but it’s also for community, for hanging out with people who give time and effort to things like giving back and community service (and chili cook-offs and hat-making.)  Right now, the spiritual stuff isn’t very important to me, but the community stuff is. I get to sing and see my friends, and sometimes the sermons include things that are of interest to me, too.  I like to do the Youth Group events like Canobie Lake, laser tag, and sleep-ins, but also the service stuff like serving the Open Door dinner for the Natick Service Council.  And I think that even the pure fun stuff involves giving—we give our time, so do our parents, we hang out and connect. There is an underlying current that here is a group of people who come to this odd church with so many weird habits, and these people all are of like mind, and come here on their own accord. It’s got a great sense of community, with these people, many of whom I see only once a week. That’s important.  

2. God stuff.  I believe God is a spirit or energy— I don’t think that God is there to smite people when they do wrong. I don’t think there is a God at all. I believe that everything is connected, and everything has this spirit or energy or aura. Its a very Hippie belief, that everything gives off vibes, but I think its true. Anyway, I haven't figured out much about it yet, so lets move on.

3. Lastly, The Faith thing. I think that everyone needs to believe in something, something that they can blame when things go wrong. That belief keeps them sane, gives them a reason to stay in this world. People can believe in anything, from their family, to music to god. But its that belief that keeps them from sinking into insanity and oblivion. I found an example of this in my favourite book, The Fault in Our Stars. For those of you who haven't read it, its a cancer book thats so much more. "I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you." (Augustus Waters, The Fault in Our Stars) Augustus believed in his love with Hazel Grace, and thats what kept him from tumbling into the Despair.

Artist Project 6/1/14

In Wellesley middle school every year the eighth grade does a project in English. This project is called the artist project. It is when every kid picks an artist , and they have to research that artist, and his or her style. Then they must create a piece of art that is either a book cover of one of the books w read this year, or that ilistraits a character trait needed to be a good member of society. Here is mine: 

My artist was Banksy. I portrayed courage, and the ability to say whats right no matter what. This is protesting children getting to used to and comfortable with violence at a young age because of the media.

Junauro Landgrebe

Hi all,

I apologize for the infrequency of my blog posts.  To be honest, I'm not much of a writer.  That being said, I have been keeping up with my requirements with the obvious exception of blogging on a weekly basis.  Sensei Paul is fully aware and we have an understanding.

The main focus for the mastery program at this time is to finish writing a number of instrumental music compositions I've been working on.  This has been a bit of challenge for the reasons mentioned above.  I've been playing guitar for the past 30 years and have always been more of a "player" than writer.  One of my personal goals is to write 6 pieces by the end of summer.  So far I have 4 that are almost done and need to start a couple more.  The good news is that I've been in a creative zone for ever since my teaching load at Northeastern slowed down last month.  I'm confident I'll be able to finish all 6 pieces on target. 

My other personal goals are in progress.  One of them is to hike to the top of Mt. Washington for the first time after injuring my ankle in January of 2013.  This will be the final piece of a lengthy recovery that has been going great overall.  Returning to the dojo after the injury was the first step.  I wasn't sure about returning since I had some concerns about injuring myself again.  I've never been one to let fear get in my way and can report that returning to the dojo was both  a physical and mental victory.

My final personal goal is forming as we speak and I'll blog more about it when I'm certain it's feasible.

That's it for now.  You'll be seeing a lot more blogs in the immediate future!

JL

Jason Mai 6/1/14

Jason Mai
6/1/14

     The film festival is over, I had very mixed feelings about the film festival but now that I've had a few days to think through it, I think I've concluded how I feel all together about it.
     So first things first, the film festival itself was very very fun, I got to hang out with the people I've worked with all year, I got to hang out with all the other directors, actors and actresses, I saw past students who have made legendary student films or are star actors. It was fun knowing that night, was our night. Something I don't feel a lot. 3 movies played, and mine was the 2nd one played. After the last movie and into intermission I was confident I would win "Best picture." If I am completely honestly, I thought I would win it, but I didn't, this is how that played out
     After intermission was the awards, best website, editor and cinematography were the first ones, and I took them all. I was very excited and I got a generally good feelings from everyone, saying mine was the best, etc etc. I basically got so confident because everyone just loved mine and told me it was the best. Finally when best picture came, we lost. Our cast was destroyed. I felt horrible. I also was so stressed throughout making my movie, because all my actors suffered for their craft, we put hours of work in, we worked in the worst conditions. I didn't want to disappoint my actors, the hours I put in versus the hours of the person who won put in. I honestly just don't think he put in as much as I did, and it feels horrible. To work so hard towards something only to lose it to someone who did less. I wanted to feel happy for my classmate, but I couldn't. None of my actors won awards even though the did an amazing performance, and spectacle the movie that won, just won too many ridiculous awards. I was pretty bummed out for the next few days, and tried to drown myself in social activities to forget everything and let it go, but now its a Sunday night and I can really reflect on it, and I sad that we didn't win, but at the same time there are several things I need to respect.

1. I made a freaking movie! That isn't an easy task at all, so I should just be happy that I did that at all

2. I did win some awards, I can't be that angry

But I guess I'm very competitive and I have the "Happy but not satisfied" mentality, which for me is good, in my opinion. Today I watched a video by one of my living heroes, Eric Thomas.

And the video just connected with me so well, it was exactly how I felt. Also Eric reminded me of a few things, there is no point in me pouting, complaining or crying about it. At the end of the day none of that changes anything, what does change is my effort. I need to take this experience as a learning experience. Failure is a part of success, being able to push through failure and work through it is what separates the great and the normal. I can't deny me being angry or sad about the outcome of the film festival, but ultimately, this experience should make me a stronger person, and from it. I will win next year.